When you say nothing at all...

Four weeks....Four weeks of nothingness, four weeks of wanting to fix/sort/figure things out, four weeks to end up with the most painful answer on my own because four weeks ago you obviously left my life for good 😞

Yet four years ago you came into my life and seemed like you were determined to be in it to stay. How wrong was I to think/feel that I guess. I know a lot of it is my own fault, I let you have me believe every word that came from your mouth and messages. I let my walls down against my better judgement and now pay the ultimate price and the crap thing is I still want to believe...

I want to believe it wasn't all a farce, that even the past 2years we weren't distancing ourselves like I felt/thought was happening. Unfortunately the past 10mnths especially since January I have been feeling more and more like that's exactly what you planned, for us to become so distant its like we never existed to each other. It's been more noticeable since January when everything changed... We stopped talking/communicating like we used to, days could go by in silence. I hardly saw you and when I did it was like it was all a little secret and like I shouldn't be seeing you even though it was a five minute car ride, or the 15minutes you spent to get me to sign your passport papers. None of it was quality time and I'm guessing it's because it made it easier for you to be distant. Just like the day we planned to go to the movies and it was cancelled, I guess it becomes easier to keep cancelling when you want someone to disappear?

Then the past four weeks it's been completely like it never existed - did we truly even know each other? Were we actually friends? Because friends don't do this no matter how much they are hurt by each other. For four years I believed we could get through anything that as long as we believed in each other, supported each other and fought for what's right it would be ok... I guess I was wrong 😞

Today I wrote the last post in the book, why? Because it's obvious that you gave up on me, on our friendship and everything long before now and I don't have the strength to fight an eclipse anymore. I can't go on living like I have the past four weeks anymore so I need to say goodbye and thank you. Thank you for helping me become a better person, one who tries to trust and care, and one who tries to believe in happy afters even if there isn't one for me.
I wish you an amazing life and hope that you get all you dream of & be happy always

Goodbye.

Sempre. x

Its not what I want but i know its what i have to do after the past 4 weeks...

I have nothing left to fight for in this friendship when i am the only one here so I have to do whats right and say goodbye because you already left me again.