3...

I put on the happy face every time I brave the world, pretend that everything is 100% fine and dandy. Whereas in reality it's completely not, I've lost more than I realised these past 6 months. I've lost a part of me, I've lost who I am, who I want to be and that one person who is always there no matter what even when you don't want them to be.
It's probably one of the hardest things I'm going to go through along with learning to be ok with the fact that not everything i want in my life will actually happen. Which is part of why I know I've lost who I am and what I want to be too... Yet I have to deal with it all and find someway to accept those things and just be at peace with them like I was a few years ago. Except this time it's a lot different, because last time was a choice this time it's not so much a choice...

While learning to cope and accept that I still have to keep it together and look like everything is fine and dandy to everyone else. Because people don't really want to know when something is wrong etc they more just want to pass small pleasantries when they ask how you are instead of having full blown conversations about how one truly feels etc...

Life changes in the blink of an eye and yet things stay the same....

I get that one has been trying to teach me a lesson yet at the same time I wish they would see the hurt it causes. I get that one doesn't believe I will stick to my word yet I meant it last week that I don't want to keep things going like this... I want the belongings gone from my life and my house since one can't even talk to me, instead holds a grudge and thinks it's ok.... That I will still be here, yet that's not fair on me or anyone. I want to keep living my life even if things are missing and not hurt anymore...

I'm going to show them all I can do it with out their help and bs. Show him it's not what he thinks either.