"... Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do..."

I heard a song the past 24 hours that really made me think and realise after the past 2 years, I really need to start speaking my mind again and hold people accountable for what they do.  Hence the title of the post, its from Sara Bareilles song Brave.  It reminded me that words can hurt you but its how you react that makes it worse. If you sit and keep listening and taking in peoples nasty hurtful words and not dealing or speaking up they will hurt you. 

This relates to what I've been going through the past wee while, when trying to deal with what I grew up hearing my Parent tell me. Its taken the past 2 years and "him" getting shitty at me when I say the parents words are true, to finally realise they aren't,  just like my previous post. Words get in under skin and make you believe they are true and if you let them they can make you lose your confidence, reasoning and most importantly your life. Its Taken me most of my life to realise that the words I grew up hearing was what has been one of the things stopping me from being the confident, happy and content person I could be. One that can be brave and face fears and life with a smile. 

I have always found it hard to say what I believe in, what I want, what I dislike etc. I have never really been able to speak my mind, "AM" started teaching me to a few years back but it's just not me. I'm not sure if its because I don't tend to rock the boat or because I prefer to know my decisions don't hurt others and therefore don't speak my mind. I realised after hearing the song Brave that it's something I really need to learn to do in some situations, then maybe I wouldn't have gone through some of the things I have the past couple of years. I have always been someone who can write how I feel etc but never say it out loud, I can write goodbyes but yet cant speak them.  So now I have decided I have to learn to be brave and take leap and start just speaking up.... 

My first step was a text I sent yesterday, which my gut feeling told me I wouldn't get a reply from, which I was right I didn't.  Then again today I spoke up about something and never heard back...   A year ago I would have apologised for what I said this weekend but I really am not that girl anymore. I have to learn to speak up and just say things and this was one of the first steps because if I carry on doing what I was before this past weekend I probably will forever be peoples doormats, and I have been "his" emotional doormat for far too long. 

They say actions speak louder than words and I truly believe that to be true and will be sticking by my decision to be brave and speak my mind even if it rocks the boat, because as I have learned words left unspoken can eat away at you and leave you with What If's and regret.