Where has the time gone?

It's been 4 months since I left Wellington for so many reasons, and just over a month till I head back there Yet I am still completely uncertain if  I am making the right decision to do so. Heck apart from things in storage there and some friends what is really holding me there? 

I know I have called Wellington home for the past 6 years as I feel it is and where I belong but now I am uncertain that I am making the right decision in going back. I left it for so many reasons in February, firstly because P needed help with Miss 7 & Master 12 so they could afford the holiday in Oz, secondly because I thought it was the best way for me to move forward and erase the past 2 years and get over everything I have been through and thirdly because I believed it would give me focus for my studies and a break from my life. So far only 2 out of 3 achieved. 

The problem with erasing the past is it doesn't tend to disappear so easily, in fact it pops back to hurt you at the most inconvenient of times in some ways. Something so little like a smell or a movie can bring memories flooding back and all that effort you have put in to forgetting is wasted. People always tell you that time heals, yet why when memories bring things back does the pain feel so raw and fresh as the day it happened? 

I really am not sure I am ready to go back home to Wellington when the past still hurts. How does one move forward from it all? I know I can't stay down here though as it just makes everything worse, too much time to think and I can honestly say as much as I love spending time with P & the kids some days it does get to be a bit too much. It reminds me of things I will never have in my life which in some ways pushes me to go back to Welly.  P also needs to find a new house and move her and the kids in 2mnths time due to the house selling and I don't want to be in the way with that. 

Someone told me recently I should stop running away from what I am scared of, yet whats the point when things still stay the same? facing up to something doesn't necessarily change the outcome. Its also even harder when you have no idea who or what to trust or believe.. Doesn't help when I get told I generally make crap decisions so now I have no idea whether I am making the right decision to go back to Wellington. I just have no idea what I should do anymore because I guess as much as Time has kept on ticking and flying past me I have no idea what I want from life any more or what/who I want in it either. 

I do know the past few months I have been my happy cheeky self which I seem to have lost before coming down here which has been great.  

I guess Time will tell what decisions I should make.....