The past day or so a couple of us have been discussing the reasons we get frustrated or annoyed with other people's actions, as well as how these actions could/can affect us. I found this quite interesting as I know I am someone who will always keep a secret even when I no longer see the person involved, I trust/believe people keep promises and are honest. During this lengthy discussion I mentioned this and we discussed that expectations are the problem.
Why? Because we have expectations of ourselves but we also have expectations of our family/friends/partners etc. These expectations end up being the problem because as P put she used to expect her ex-husband to be a decent reliable dad. These expectations were too high according to her and that she's discovered all she an really expect is for him to at least try be a human being who listens. We all discussed how we saw things, and I discovered I really do expect to much.
Looking back the past 5-6 years, I expected FS to be honest and treat me well, I expected "stalker" to leave me the hell alone when I moved out and then kept slamming the door in his face and saying it was over, & I expected "him" to keep his promise he made that he'd always be there even if someone was on the scene and he wouldn't walk away from our friendship etc.... In the end all these expectations and more just end up hurting us. We end up with unrealistic expectations that people are honest and keep their word, that they will always be around etc.
Yet if we don't have expectations then we can't be hurt or disappointed by people or their actions. I have believed for the past 19 mnths that people can only hurt you if you let them and more and more I believe that to be true. Just like they can also only hurt/disappoint us If we let them by having unrealistic expectations of that person. So I'm now very muchly so going to try not have expectations of people and see if that makes life even more positive and better.
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