Stop the bus I want off!!

So it started off being a pretty normal day today.... We had planned to go shopping but ended up sleeping in which was great as we were rudely awoken by a noise similar to explosions at 3.30am I think it was....

So we decided on a late breakfast and to head to metro to check emails and update blogs and the likes...
ended with me having a freak Panic Attack which when looking back was weird in itself... I had obviously zoned out when A said she was off to the ladies room for a moment and so im not sure how many minutes it was but I must have zoned back into life and then a switch went off and i panicked because i thought she had just left me ROFLMAO! I can laugh about it now as its completely stuffed up but I freaked out! and she saw the whole thing asks me if im alright I crack up laughing and then bawl my eyes out while laughing... WTF! so then had a complete Adrenaline rush for an hour! lol  So I'm definitely some kind of special today...

we head home to drop our stuff off and then head out for lunch etc only to have me say something completely fucked up and blonde... stayed out shopping till 5ish headed home to get changed in order to go out again and as we are heading back into town i ask A to fix my hair as its falling out... Only for the light to change green and i apparently start sprinting across the road with A holding my hair! WTF!

my brain is obviously mush today!! as thats only the stuff I remember.... Luckily A being the lovely flatmate she is just laughs at my this like i do lol.. but god damn it!


Maybe the stress is catching up to me of the past few months...who knows but I even sound like I have spoken gibberish instead of words today! WTF!!!

So I'm really thinking this day just needs to come to an end before i completely fuck something else up!  Lets hope tomorrow is a better day!  They cant get much worse in some ways...

The calm after the storm..

So after the craziness that was last week (although it didn't really end till Tuesday when the long weekend was over), This week has definitely been the calm after the storm...

Apart from the fact I have had to start considering other alternatives to finishing my degree including being stuck in a classroom all the time :/ but if I don't get something permanent soon its going to have to be the reality.... ARGH! Reality check big time this week! 

Reality check #1
 I need a new wardrobe full of clothes... when your clothes are hanging off you and looking like sacks you realise its not such a good thing.  It also made me realise how much Stress I have been under as I haven't been to the gym in 2months and haven't been for a good decent run in 3wks! The only upside is I have been eating healthy lol... but its mostly stress thats making clothes too big lol... Kinda wish it was the gym lol!

Reality Check #2
Not getting the ECE Positions I have been going for = maybe having to do something else and studying full-time because I don't think the bank balance in my savings is going to last forever.... in fact I don't think it will last longer then Christmas at this rate.... So part-time doing something + study may have to be the decision I have to make soon..

Reality Check #3
This one was thanks to Mel - One must learn to remember that even though life hands lemons I am freaking awesome and can make freaking AWESOMESAUCE lemonade and that who gives a stuff what others think.. I am awesome and me and that's all that matters... and I do not have be what others expect etc... Oh and I'm Gorgeous no matter what *giggles* Yes that will always make me giggle... (sorry Mel!)



So the week for Reality Checks has happened... Along with realising that even though I have to make these decisions and figure things out, I haven't lost sight of the fact I want to go learn from some of the best photographers as well in the states.....  I just have to rework how I want to do that and when...

so I am definitely heading into the weekend a more settled and happy Pixie this week :)

pondering's of the week...

So its been a bit of a week where I feel like I'm in the middle of  tornado in a way...  stuck in the middle of the swirling winds and no matter what I do I cant get the damn thing to stop....  Every where I turn its still something falling down around me.. so many things all at once and not a damn thing I can really do about it...

In the past 3months I have attended so many Interviews for teaching positions and yet still only being offered relieving positions after the first place reneged on their deal with me. Which is why I moved in the first place! This week alone I went to three on one day! Sadly I heard back from one of them on Friday and as I guessed still no luck...

The last one I attended on Wednesday was an informal meet & greet and look around the centre to give me info and the likes to go home and ponder weither I would like to proceed further. So late last night I decided I did and emailed to ask for the formal interview next week.  Lets hope something good happens there!

The other centre I went for an interview at is not one I could see myself working in as it was so stuck up and snobby! Which is not what I expected at all considering its a Franchise centre but it was and I cant picture myself there so I kinda hope for bad news on that one lol.... 


Its frustrating as I know I'm a damn good ECE Teacher yet all I keep getting offered is relieving work which isn't stable.. god nothing in my life is stable the past 12 weeks!  If I could get this at least I would have something to focus on....

My life is definitely not where I expected it to be two months ago.... I miss the stability and the fact things are normally organised and planned.... There's none of that now....  Heck I kinda feel like a very small fish in a rather large scary pond with no-one she knows around...

On top of the work stuff there is so much other stuff I have no control over going on. As much as I want to try walk away from it all things pull me back and it starts going around and around again....

 I know life is not supposed to be simple... but who knew being Selfless would hurt as much as it does... Some days I really wish I could bury myself in a hole and not return.... because nothings going to change... As much as I'm honest with things and people nothing changes.... instead I just end up hurting, and as much as you try and ignore the pain its still there... it doesn't seem to just go away.

I try to make life as it was before everything, and it just doesn't work.... nothing is the same as it once was... 
I know you cant go back and change the past but cant you at least make things like they were before something in order to at least have normality or less pain?

Change is as good as a holiday some say....

so the past week I have been thinking a lot about changes for many reasons... 

The fact I am reminded every day that I made one of the biggest decisions of my life and created a huge change by leaving everything I know in Wellington and moving further north. Some days it has its good benefits other days not so much, but through it all Change is the constant factor.

I guess change is inevitable no matter what in life, and its how we deal with it that counts.... 

So the past week has been full of thoughts on the subject, I am not one for enjoying too much change in everyday things... I don't mind change as long as its not all at once but i guess the whole move thing created so much that I haven't really processed it all lol.... (lesson learned when it comes to that!) 

But now after a good girlie chat last night/early this morning with "A" I decided some of these changes need to happen. So now I have had to decide on a few changes that I need to make in order to get where I want...

Plan of study has been slightly adjusted and in the process of sorting, which hopefully wont take too long so I can start....

Interviews are still coming in left right and center but if someone decides from the word go and tells me they only want me to relieve then screw it, I will not be relieving as its not what i want etc..

so now to move forward with a clear head and conscience and know that no matter what I am making my decisions for me and that whatever changes they cause I will handle it & learn from it... 




"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. "  - Anatole France

It's been awhile......

So it's been awhile since I have updated this..... The past few weeks have been a mixed bag of goodies....

Some quite entertaining.....

Like the Sunday afternoon the guys (Dave, Phil, Riley, & Russell) decided thanks to the bar staff that they were going to wear skirts for ladies night in order to get free drinks....
So there they were in skirts, t-shirts, sneakers/boots... With Alex & I cracking up.....

There was also the afternoon a few weeks ago where Alex & i walked to parnell rose gardens.... And had to giggle at the handbag up high in a tree......

I am slowly learning my way around Auckland..... Although have managed to get lost a few times.....

Hoping to head over to the island sometime soon to see friends & relax if all goes well......

Alex & i tried this cute lil milk & cookie bar the other day called Moustache... It has the most amazing oreo & marshmellow cookies!!