The past 8 months have been one of confusion, pain, hurt, love, and many other feelings and all because One ended his relationship and decided I was back in his life again... Although this time I was a lot more weary and a lot more vocal about how I have been feeling and my dislike of how I am being treated. Yet he still pushes and pulls and thinks its ok to treat me like he cares and still has feelings all the while, hes dating so many till one makes him stick with just her and within a few weeks is telling me hes selling his house and they are buying one together...
Apparently she owns her own home yet guess what? 8 weeks after his house is sold and 6 weeks since they moved into the house he purchased, her house is still not for sale or for rent... So yet again i see him being used and sucked into something that is going to destroy him..
He hasnt healed from all he went through last year with the horse or the fact he ended it. He hasnt dealt with any of the relationships that have hurt him the past six years.. and the kicker... He pushed me to tell him everything and i did, only to have him hook up with this current one who hes now playing daddy to her children with a couple of days later....
No one prepares you for losing your bestfriend and the one you love over and over, because even though you both love each other one wants to deal and the other wants to run.. how do you heal when you finally tell him the things you havent for years? You cant! you go around feeling like a piece of you is missing constantly just like i have everytime we have been apart the past six years.
I wrote him a letter before the house sold and left it somewhere he would find it later on. I dont know if he has found it or read it but i basically told him i couldnt be apart of this. The fact that he keeps telling me the new girlfriend likes me when its actually bs because she acts so insecure near me and he has hardly had time with me since being with her.
He did keep his word for my birthday and take me out for dinner but thats only because she was away on some trip with her parents and kids.... since then I havent seen him and hes hardly messaged me... Its like I only exist when he wants me to, and I cant be that person. I cant keep getting pushed and pulled at his will, Im not a puppy or anything else. and to top it off i get told her exhusband and new partner are now engaged and having a baby... whats the bet He now does the same thing because the one thing i have noticed with this new chick.. She says jump and he says how high and does everything she wants him to do :(
I get that some of what I told him earlier this year about what i wanted and needed to do in my life and yet still wanted him too obviously was way too much to handle.. But what happened to that guy that said he would always be there that he wouldnt give up on me as long as i didnt give up on him? That he loved me no matter what and cared and would give me the world? and yes he even has said that the last few months too... Yet how can one give me the world when hes with someone else :(
I had thought we were starting to get somewhere and things were going to improve but it seems only one of us grew up the past year while we were apart. and now i have to be ok with letting him and all of it go all over again. Good bye my happy ending, good bye to my bestfriend and good bye to life as it was...
To Him:
If you are reading this, I am sorry I tried to keep our friendship from falling apart by being in contact when I of all people should know due to the past few years with you that it doesnt work like that at all. I am sorry I cant support your decisions any more when they cause me pain and you dont see that your actions and decisions affect me. I wish you all the best in life and all it holds.
Sempre
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