You see *He* has a habit of keeping me hanging on and saying what he thinks will keep me happy and believing but I realised since my birthday which will be a month ago tomorrow that the conversation was just that. He wasnt giving me answers instead he was always pointing the finger at me, blaming me and telling me I was accusing him of things, he was blaming me for the crap communication and things and yet I am the one who has been communicating clearly and efficiently since our talk on the phone before christmas and the visit where i gave him his gifts and was made a promise that he still has not fulfilled.
All these broken promises and words after six years finally broke me, finally I have had enough. Why should I fight for something when *he* isnt? why keep believing when its obvious he gave up a long time ago and his decisions the past few years are proof of that?
I may love *him* but it doesn't mean I have to be ok with being treated the way I have been especially since the start of 2017. A friend doesnt ditch you because of girlfriend or boyfriend for that matter at short notice, they dont lie to you about having gifts for you that never eventuate, they dont like about making time to spend with you. They keep their promises and they know when you need to talk and need support and they do it... Sadly he hasnt done that since he met this new chick, instead hes been more impulsive and reckless than i have ever known him to be... The issues he told me he had when we met, well the past six months more than ever before i have felt he needs the medication for them in order to realise what hes doing and how hes destroying himself let alone anyone else he cares about. I have never seen him be so impulsive and reckless till now and it scares me, hes not the guy i know. He jumps when she says jump, she says no he cant do such and such and so he doesnt. :( normally he would still do his thing and yet not anymore....
Gone is the guy i used to know and i cant watch that anymore or be a part of it. It hurts too much. So I had to make the decision I have been dreading ever since that question on the couch in auckland where I told him if he asked the other one I would say good bye and that was it... Well with his lack of communication and the pain hes been causing I had to do that yesterday, he kept reading my messages and saying nothing and thats not friendship or anything else for that matter so I told him that I dont know this person anymore and that hes not the person I know him to be with his actions now and therefore until hes ready to talk to me like the person i know him to be that this was it. That when he was ready he would know how to contact me and good luck. Then I hit block messages, so now he cant message me at all unless he gets off his ass and unblocks my cellphone or turns up at the house. I can guarantee he wont turn up to the house as his girlfriend wont let him as he has to play happy families with her and her kids.
It hurts like hell to have hit the block messages but i know its for the best because he wont learn what hes doing to hurt me otherwise :( I still love him but I cant keep being pushed and pulled and only here when hes in need of an ego boost or whatever..
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