For the better part of 2 months I have hardly had anything to do with *him. He let me down in August by not keeping his word when it came to my pets when I went away. He let me down by not catching up for coffee since my birthday. Hes let me down by making promises he never intended to keep when the house was sold. He promised to cook me dinner and have regular catch ups because the new girlfriend didnt care and liked me.... I am glad I did not hold my breath... why?
Because I have not seen him since my Birthday which was in july, I hardly heard from him in august as he would read and ignore so when I got back from Australia I decided to not message unless it was an emergency. I did however have to ask a political question on election day and then I hit ignore messages again. So for the past month if he has tried to message he has been going to the spam box on facebook. This is because I sent a very indepth email to his actual email account that week a few days before election day telling him I was not willing to let him treat me as he has been. He cant come and go as he feels, he cant hold things over me to hurt me etc. Funnily enough there was no response to that email.
He has however tried to message straight after i sent him back to spam in facebook asking for something but hasnt followed back up to get it... so goes to show it was more just to hurt me or to be spiteful instead. Something so typical for him as he has proclaimed many a time he does things out of spite in regards to me...
The past 4 weeks since elections I have finally been ok with *him not being in my life, alot more ok with it than any other time before WHY? because I see him for what he is.... The one who wont deal with his Bipolar disorder, infact he wont even tell his family. He wont deal with any of his issues but is so quick to be harsh and pinpoint other peoples issues. So quick to hurt others and think it does not affect them. I know I deserve better than that. This person used me to make themseleves feel better everytime their life wasnt what they wanted. There was even once they tried to throw themseleves off a balcony and I had to be there.. Thats something I cant forget. He repeats these patterns and after just about 6years I do not want to deal with that anymore.
I have goals and dreams and I deserve to achieve them without having to be that person there boosting someone elses ego. I deserve my happiness and to be happy without having someone tear me down saying I am not good enough. He used to tell me he wasnt like everyone else, he wasnt like my ex's and yet what hes done the past 6years is worse than any of my ex's have ever done, which says more about a persons character than i ever imagined. I think it comes down to the fact when people are not happy with themseleves they will destroy and tear down those they are close to or they care about or love. Unfortunately last year taught me to stand up for myself and not let someone do that to me anymore... It taught me that people like that are spineless when they let their Girlfriends dictate who they can and cant be friends with which is what he did last year. Let alone this year with the new one.
This past year I made decisions for me and what I want in my life and the fact is he may be my bestfriend but hes not the person he once was. He has no idea about me or what i want to achieve and enjoy etc. He lost that connection when he let someone else tell him what they did last year.
I believe as much as you can find your "soulmate" or whatever and can have the most amazing bonds and connections with someone sometimes you just need to let them go. I let him go once before way back in the beginning and I did it again this year because I want to enjoy being me. The me who is growing stronger every day, The me I was before the detour in life from surgery. You may find your one but sometimes that one isnt ready for you and thats ok. I know for me I am so much better and stronger on my own and thats ok :) I have never needed any one to complete me. I may love him but thats ok I love me more and believe in myself more!
Heres to many more years like this! :)
and to him....
I am sorry you do not like that I stand up for myself, that you could not deal with our friendship and how life could have been. I am sorry you do not know how to be a friend while in a relationship and that it was too hard for you. I owe you thanks for all you have taught me since we met, that without you i wouldnt be where I am today and for that I will always be grateful. I am sorry I wasnt the person you wanted me to be and that you feel I put too many expectations on you in your mind, All i ever wanted for you was to be yourself. I hope you find that piece of you and be the person I know and see you can be. May you have an amazing life.
Sempre
M.
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