Sadly Bad things really do come in 3's as This week my bestie had lost her dad, Then SS called with news that was upsetting to say the least, Then I got hit with a letter which arrived 8 days after sending and what was inside wasn't good. The final nail in the coffin was shattering my work phone (S4) screen... BUT for once I didn't cry, I laughed because if I didn't laugh I was going to bawl. I am grateful it wasn't my Personal Cellphone as it would have meant shattering the new phone (S5) but it was like the final nail in the coffin to show it was going to be a shitty week.
Especially when I had been doing so well as trying to ignore what was going on in my head & heart and put on a happy face and keep going... The past few weeks its been all about taking one day at a time due to the situation I had to distance myself from. Today its 14 days since a conversation and Its as painful as it was to the similar time last year. I wish I could drown out my gut feeling, this emotional pull in a way like a rubber band because it also has had me feeling emotions i guess that are not my own. Because I know how I feel with the overall situation and I know I am over all happy go lucky, seeing the positive and good in people and things. but the past 14 days especially its been harder than normal... After talking it over with my big sister I understand why..... But now I am left wishing I could drown it out and make it disappear... Sadly I tried drowning it with Alcohol on Tuesday evening - Results were it didn't work. why can't it just bugger off and leave me in peace?
I have managed to focus a little better the past 3 days due to looking at the fun little things as I took the Niece & Nephew swimming on Wednesday. To which I am still feeling the affects as Miss 7 had me planking in the leisure pool so she could use me as a weird tunnel. But it also had me focusing on my fitness and planning my training for the Skechers 6k I am doing in November. Thursday was the joy of finishing yet another assignment towards my BEd, and Today (Friday 2nd May) it was seeing two cheeky Tui's in the tree over breakfast and then receiving my Passport forms to fill out. Finally I am getting the passport and taking a huge leap out of my comfort zone because a friend and I are planning a trip to Australia in summer for a week or so.
So the little things have got me through this week, even though I feel like I am breaking inside because I cant talk to the one person I really want to talk to. The one who could make everything better with a smile and huge hug and sing a cheesy song to me badly.... Which inevitably always made me smile and now makes me miss them more.... But I have to just get used to the fact that is never going to happen again, they've made it clear the past 14 days that I am no longer a part of their life so no longer a friend i guess, so I just smile and carry on and try pretend like they never existed so I can be ok and try smile each day, and focus on what I have to look forward to in the next 6months as well as enjoying the time with my niece and nephew....
I've been re-reading on my kindle the Alchemitst and this has been stuck in my head all week....
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