Hmmm so it was a lil bit of an up & down week the past week, as I wasn't well and yet travelled to wellington to see friends. Once I got there it wasn't too bad though. It was nice to see a few people (I would say everyone but no I didn't get to see everyone due to time etc).
I got to catch up with "K" several times and head to our favourite cafe in Courtney Place where I always feel I can just be me. Free from everything that's been going on since I left Wellington. Its where "K" and I can go talk girl talk and just relax, As well as try new Noms and have a good giggle. Oh and don't forget the fact they make the best Iced Coffee ever!!! The other best part about having time with "K" is seeing my favourite pampered pooch, Miss Cassy! Who as usual gave Aunty Pix loads of cuddles and puppy kisses!
I got to stay with a good close friend of mine and just forget life and stress for a bit which was nice. I also got to have time with Miss 4 who I have always had a bit of a soft spot for. So we read books and giggled together & took photos etc before she went to her dads on Easter Sunday. I then got to also meet Miss 2 who is just as cute as Miss 4 so of course I fell in love with her too! and if these two are anything to go by their baby sister who is on her way is going to be Gorgeous and full of mischief like her two big sisters!! Spending time with them reminded me of what I probably will never have but it also reminds me that at least I get the fun of being an aunt and just enjoying my time with them.
Yesterday I spent time with my "lil brother" along with "N" so we had quite a few laughs while in the Mall shopping and just generally being nosey. Albeit they both had fun at taking the piss out of me for my silly lil things! But it was nice & relaxing and it felt like I had not been away from home at all.
Today was a different story though after landing back in Auckland last night. It hit me though that I really do not particularly like Auckland. I put up with it and wont let it beat me while I have to be up here but it's not home.
I had another counseling session this afternoon to work through some things from the past etc and things Ive been working on since last year etc etc. Lets just say I really wish there was a White Knight to save me after today's session. I wanted to burst into tears yet i refuse to let myself, I have done enough crying the past 8-9months that its like I am not sure I even have the energy to do it again.
The silly thing is I came to the conclusion its my own fault in one particular situation, I could have got myself out of the situation months ago if only I could let myself break promises and just walk away. Although it would probably still cause me pain for quite some time it would be less stress and things. Silly me instead puts up with being taken for granted and walked over, harassed and hurt. Something I have decided is not going to keep happening if I can help it.
So instead I am going to focus on what I want at the moment which is to get my assignments done and spend a bit more time reading my novel that has sat there being ignored since last week when it arrived and just have some me time. Because really in all honesty I probably don't need a white knight to save me when for years I have been saving myself......... forever alone but yet still happy.
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