In the past 6-7months I have finally been dealing and accepting my past due to being pushed to deal with it due to someone close to me... I even started counseling again and am coping a lot better then I thought I would be. But after the appointment the other day I am kinda frustrated with said person, because as much as they pushed me, they won't deal with their own stuff or the stuff to do with what they helped cause either.
To me I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place, not only does that person push & pull me, I have others also telling me what I should and shouldn't do with the overall situation as well. It frustrates me though that I start dealing and realising things but there is generally nothing I can do.
I get used as a relationship sounding/bounce board and yet I shouldn't be because of the promise made to me and the fact of what happened between us, but apparently its ok to discuss "relationship" things with me anyways... I guess you can't make someone see right and wrong, they have to figure it out for themselves, but I'm the one left hurting more because of someone else's actions.
I guess the saying is true that sometimes people only see what they want to see, and for someone who hates confrontation and dealing with things its easier to not see how they are hurting someone else.
I am just hoping once the middle of the year gets here I will have distanced myself enough that as much as it will always hurt, I w ill at least be able to cope and be ok, because there is nothing I can do to change what they have decided, and I am fine with that. The sad thing is I see them giving up on their dreams/goals/aspirations and they probably won't have the support to get back to them, but it is not my job to do so.
If I go back to how I was in Wellington at least I can numb the pain... Although I cant seem to even numb it enough at the moment. Some days are easier then others, especially when said person doesn't contact me and I have a feeling contact will stop completely when they do what they have planned.
I doubt they will ever really see how things are or could be when they are so stuck in seeing things with rose tinted glasses and telling me no matter what that things don't work... If its one thing I have learned the past year is you don't know unless you try!! and with that lesson I have actually started trying new things in all aspects of life... so in a way as much as said person has caused so much in a way they did give the world to me in the fact I try new things etc even when I am scared shitless!
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