"A heart of numbness..."

So the past week has been a tough one... some things happened that made me realise you really don't know what you've got till it's gone (or just about gone...).

I realised the past week after hurting someone I care about that they had done something for me without even really realising it...

Infact it took watching a recent episode of Glee {naked episode} to realise. I used to be someone who thought I was OK as I was, someone who was focused on goals/aspirations which were to do with my art, along with getting lost in my world of books and creativeness. Sure I spent time with friends as well but I didn't really let anyone in...

I wasn't living infact I realised recently that I was existing but not really living. It was like going through the motions of day to day life without feeling....

There are so many reasons for why I was like that and to be honest I have only really realised that in the past few weeks and started making a plan to deal with them (but that's a different post entirely).
This one person without me even realising (I am not even sure they realise they did it either), made me realise that part of the reason I chose to live like that was because of my past and not loving myself because of what happened and what I grew up being told....

They have made me realise that it doesn't matter what my parents grew up telling me... I'm my own person and even though I'm scared I can do things. That I am NOT the words they said.
This one person accepted me for me when I didn't even like me and wanted to push them away because I didn't think I deserve anyone to care about me bcos of the past amd my illness and other things.... and to be honest I still struggle with the idea of people knowing when I'm sick or seeing that because I don't like the idea of someone seeing me unable to move etc.

After the past week I realised I took it all for granted that they would always be there when I needed them. Instead I stuffed up big time and now have to deal...But I will be forever grateful that they taught me that its OK and that now I'm not so scared no matter what the outcome of anything I face in life, because a heart of numbness can be brought back to life.... and I am at least really living again... and being a lil more me again :)

So Thank-you.
Here's the song that had me thinking...