Always doesn't mean Always......

why do people say they will Always be there? That they will Always care?

When you learn that it's not so true as time passes... In fact it's a pretty hurtful and hard lesson to learn that someone you care for and trust isn't there, that they never fully wore and you were just something to pass the time and boost their ego. How do you learn to accept that and just kept going? How do you not hold that against other people you meet in life?  I guess that's possibly an age old question for many people. It just hurts though when it's someone you trusted with so much and they can then use everything know to hurt you and manipulate you or silently and quickly just disappear from your life.


I always tried to believe that one person in my life didn't lie to me or use things to hurt me. That they did things for the right reasons and because they gave a damn about me. Seems I was a complete idiot in that respect and trusted someone who was manipulating me for the better part of 4 years and had me believe they cared when they didn't. It was all about keeping them from being alone and boosting their ego till they got what they wanted elsewhere. I realised this past weekend they also use Gaslighting to make me question myself and what I believe and remember. Perfect way to manipulate someone is to have them question their own sanity and that sadly is exactly what this person has done to me.  I'm not angry at them because I feel they obviously do not know any better, they also can't feel that great in their own life if that's how they need to treat people. I know in the beginning we used to encourage, support and boost each other and I believe that was true but somewhere we lost all that and that's ok it's life.


The good thing is at least I am learning that it's ok to feel like I stuffed up, that I trusted someone I shouldn't have and like a fool, because inside I'm becoming stronger, I'm learning to be the person I want to be even if I have no one but me in my life at least I am doing what's right for me. Living life on my own terms and not being forced to be something/someone that I am not. I have my goals and I am determined to get them and smash them. I am worth more than many have let me believe👍🏽

So this year is about changes, dreams and goals and achieving the impossible and doing it all on my terms and without others who doubt, hurt or anything else! I CAN & WILL DO THIS!!