Pain pain go away!

So it's been 15 wks and counting since my injury first occurred and 5 wks since I ended up in Wellington hospital. Sadly I am still no better off with doing physio etc. Instead I'm taking panadol & ibuprofen like tic tacs and it's still not even dulling the pain.

Some days are better than others but sadly it's like I'm having to say goodbye to life as I knew it. Goodbye to being able to walk, goodbye to working out at the gym several times a week and even goodbye to just taking a shower easily. Life isn't how it was a few months ago in so many ways.

I guess to make matters worse is the fact I'm having to deal with it all on my own. No one understands how much pain I'm in and I actually have no one I can really rely on anymore.

The past few weeks have been ones of revelations that hurt like hell. Mostly because one won't admit that they lied to me. That they did it for their own selfish reasons. What sucks more is all I want is to feel completely numb and have no memories so then life can just be as it is...

Unfortunately life isn't what it seems and I guess I can't make that happen. I just have to hope that one day I won't remember any of it.

Friends or Foes?

I never thought I would ever title a post this but I guess after the past few days events I have been doing a lot of thinking...

I had someone contact me after just about 20 months of not talking to me. I did try to contact them before Christmas last year but it didn't work as it seemed the other person didn't want to hear of it. It was a hard thing to do too as I believed I wasn't fully in the wrong for why the falling out happened but I learnt to just carry on with my life.  It was painful and hard and pretty much what you would expect when you fall out with your bestfriend. I won't lie I have missed her but like I told him a few months ago, I tried and obviously it didn't work so I must just keep on with my life...

Shockingly she contacted me this past weekend which first knocked me for a 6 and then made me cry due to the past few months when my other bestfriend past away.  I was relieved that contact was made but now I'm feeling like it wasn't what I thought, even though I know it will never be the same i feel like it wasn't in the true friendship sense that I was contacted.

All because he mentioned to me how this friend and another had been saying things that were not true about me and that neither him or I should be friends with each other. He reminded me of this the other day after I asked if he instigated the contact (which I knew in my heart he hadn't but had to be sure). 

So now I'm at this crossroads of whether I try believe it's for the right reasons or look at the signs and follow my instincts that it's possibly to fish for info and cause trouble just like SS did a few months ago. I hate thinking the worst of someone though especially someone who I was such good friends with....

So is she friend or foe keeps playing on my mind and I'm unsure what to do about it. Especially when there's so much else going on here with recovering from my injury, Camp quality stuff, study and looking at new teaching stuff.....

What do you do when believing hurts?

For the past two weeks I have been trying so hard to believe that what I think and feel towards a certain situation is right. That I'm not being lied to and hurt again that I can trust a person's word. As well as believing in my own gut instincts.

But it's getting so hard to do so.... I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing or not and at the moment I have far too much time on my hands to think  due to my injury...

I wish there was a manual so one could understand life and how to handle different situations bit there isn't. We just have to try believe we are making the right decisions and that we can trust others around us.

The upside this past week is I had training for Camp Quality last weekend. I feel empowered and ready to handle my camper if I'm matched and ready to give them an amazing week of fun and enjoyable experiences at camp in January. It also gives me something to look forward to since other things seem to get forgotten about and only I seem to remember 😕

Roll on the next 4 weeks when I will know if I have been matched with a camper for January ☺