So I have been struggling to understand this since the weekend and can't really tell the one person I want to talk to about it because I'm not sure if a shit storm will follow. I did tell little bits of it bcos as soon as I heard his voice I broke down in tears.
I hate that I trusted someone because others did and they knew I don't trust people easily and then this person used me to their advantage and hurt me. I am frustrated at myself for not trusting my gut instincts on something this person said, instead I doubted myself and hurt myself in the process for 2 months till my sister & P said that they didn't think it was true either and that I should trust my instincts. For the past couple of years even he has been telling me to trust my instincts and myself. Now I understand why because in someways I let this person have power to hurt and use me.
She's darn lucky I never confronted him with the lies she told me. I can't even explain why I didn't just part of me felt I shouldn't...lucky for her too because I would hate to think what would happen if I had. Especially after what info I did tell him after bursting into tears on Monday night to him. He sounded so pissed off at how hurt I was as it tis that had I told him everything god I hate to think....
From where I am standing she had a mutual friend help too and that mutual friend was someone I had believed in even when others didn't. I guess the lesson is though that you learn who your true friends are when things like this happen.
I don't get why someone would lie the way she did. Even if you severely dislike someone you shouldn't stir the pot the way she did. Or if it's jealousy? Not that there's reason to be jealous from where I'm standing, as she's the one whose got the things in life I've always dreamed about...
It's weird and people are weird and I guess questions will always go unanswered because that's how life goes. I also find it funny she hasn't apologised for what she's done..
I hate that yet again someone has hurt me and made me doubt myself and my instincts as well as have me doubt why I should trust someone in my life that's important to me. It hurts that i can't change that I can only keep moving forward as the past has been and gone. I wish I had never trusted her but I guess at the same time it's a lesson I needed to learn. I am glad she's removed herself from my life as people like that i do not need at all.
I guess I have learnt to take a different stance after the harassment and I know that I did nothing wrong and that this was an abuse of my trust.
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