It's been just over a week since my bestfriend passed away, & the past 24hrs I've wanted to Skype/facebook/text her only to click on her name and then remembered that I can't and stop myself. All because some things have happened in my crazy life that I would always tell her and one other first...
Now I'm pretty much back to keeping things to myself in many ways because Andrea is gone and the other person only seems to care when they want too. (Not sure if that's actually the case but it's certainly how i feel sadly). I never thought I would end up just keeping things to myself as I always thought Andrea would be there.... As for the other one I'm not sure what to think as some days are better than others....
Life just really isn't how i thought it would be when I came home. In some ways it's Amazing but in other ways I'm sitting here wondering why I came back when in someways life's just like it was before I left and I want to erase things again so it won't hurt....
I feel like the things I realized I wanted in my life are just not going to happen because I already missed my chance and I decided too late so now the universe just gets to enjoy me getting pissed off bcos the things I want are so far out of my grasp.
I guess that's when you learn Hindsight is a bitch and that life should have a manual sometimes...
Then it just makes me think maybe I just have to get used to this crap bcos it's how my life is and nothing will change even though I try so why try? *shrug*
BUT at least I can say I'm grateful my flatmate is awesome, my new cat is a great snuggler and that I can find something to smile about each day even when it's been horrible.
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