Hello 2012...

So it's 2012 in fact it's already just about the end of January 2012! where has the month gone? 

It has been just about a year of turmoil, turbulence & shakes. In 25 days it will mark a year since the devastating quake which bought my beloved home town to its knees. February 22nd 2011 will be forever etched in Kiwi's minds let alone Cantabarians. 

I moved back home to Christchurch in April to help my family, mostly my mum who needed the company, as after the February quakes I received calls a lot when  there were aftershocks, so I thought it was wise to head down and help out for awhile, as my brother was working and did not really have the time to keep running to mum when she needed someone... I had my reservations but put them to the back of my head and headed to Christchurch. 

Since being in Christchurch, everything I once knew has changed. Buildings are gone, there is basically no nightlife and no variety on places to visit. You also do not get used to the ground moving on you. Don't get me wrong you can sleep etc through the small aftershocks but anything over a magnitude 4 and I feel it. 

I experienced a double-whammy of Earthquakes in June, which ended up destroying my laptop and knocking my confidence a little, but after a few weeks it starts to build up again and your a ok again... 

sadly that was when I started realising my mum was still the same person she had been when I was growing up... The one who has never had anything positive to say about me. We basically have nothing in common and since I was 10 she has told me how she wishes she had given me up instead of keeping me in spite to my grandmother. I have never really been sure how to take this but have always always reminded myself that even though my Dad is gone and has been most of my life, I have his spirit and I can do anything I put my mind too.... Well that got knocked quite a lot this past year thanks to Mum and her put downs yet again....

I started working really long hours pretty much every day of the week to not have to deal with her, which hurts as I am a family person and love my family dearly even though all the do is hurt me :( 

I moved out of my mothers place in October and moved in with a friend who I have known since I was knee high to a grasshopper. She has been encouraging me and slowly helping me become me again. 

I left the job I was in that I wasn't happy in, as several people had told me you shouldn't be in a job if your heart is not in it. Spent a month or so thinking of what I really love and love doing and have gone back to my first love of Photography. I have been qualified since 2001 and yet not used those qualifications in a long time. 

sadly another thing over the past year is I have lost some people I thought were good true friends because they didn't like something I said/or did or the way I thought. Now I can honestly say it is their loss... I am me and I will not change that for anything.. I am slowly becoming the person I was this time last year before everything started to fall to pieces. 

Since being in Christchurch I have not been able to go running or swimming much as I was working heaps to keep away from mum, and a lot of facilities were closed due to earthquake damage.  The photo shoot K and I had in august (the one we won at the beginning of 2011) was interesting.... It wasn't till i saw the photos in December I realised how much weight I gain when I don't eat properly and am subject to my mothers taunts etc.. I knew I couldn't change it till i get the hell out of the same city as her.... but I could make a start and have......

see next post for the here & now...