30 Day Blog Challenge

Okies so a friend of mine @iheartpolrbears suggested to me to join her in the 30 day blog challenge so I guess since it's the start of the new week we shall give it a go and see if we can get the whole thirty days done.

• Day 1 – Blog 15 facts about yourself
• Day 2 – Meaning behind your blog name
• Day 3 – Last year, in great detail
• Day 4- Goals
• Day 5 – List 5 places you have been to
• Day 6 – List 5 places you want to go to
• Day 7 – places you have lived
• Day 8 – your favorite television program 
• Day 9 – a hobby of yours  
• Day 10 – Your favorite movie   
• Day 11 – about a recipe   
• Day 12 – A song that makes you cry   
• Day 13 – A non-fiction book  
• Day 14 – A photo you took    
• Day 15 – A photo of you taken over ten years ago   
• Day 16 – A photo of you taken recently
• Day 17 – A photo that makes you happy  
• Day 18 – A photo that makes you sad  
• Day 19 – Original Photo of the city you live in   
• Day 20 – Your favorite quote   
• Day 21 – Blog about your nickname    
• Day 22 – Your day, in great detail   
• Day 23 – a website
• Day 24 – A YouTube video
• Day 25 – Something you are afraid of
• Day 26 – Favorite Place to eat
• Day 27- Dream House
• Day 28 – Something you don't leave the house without   
• Day 29 – Dream Job   
• Day 30 – Something you miss

It's my Year!!

Yes you heard me correctly it's my year! and now I will fill you in on why etc... 

My friend "C" said to me this week "Its always darkest before the dawn..."  and that got me thinking the past 24 hours, with the song that line comes from playing through my head... 

The past week has been utter crap... I booked my tickets to fly back to Wellington end of February due to having enough of the earthquakes as we had 6 quakes on December 23rd all quite big in magnitude. I also know I can not start a business in a town that is having to rebuild and there is no money for anything else, so many families are struggling. 

I feel like I am loosing sight of the goals I set last year and what I am working towards.. Along with loosing the few people who truly believe in me by heading back to Wellington...


I know moving means I will not be hurt by my family again who in the end took me for what they could get from me and pulled me down and hurt me yet again.. So this move means not having to deal with it any more. Having contact when and If  I need it and not because they want to hurt me. As much as I love my family and I do love them I cant keep going through all this all the time..

I am a family person but I also know families should not be like ours, my mother is one for always going on about how she want's grand children etc and yet she cant even seem to look after my cat :( He has been missing for two weeks (just about 3 now) because he wasn't coping here with me at the moment so she was meant to be looking after him till I fly out.. sadly by the sounds of it he wont be with me :( Why would I let her look after Grandkids if she can't even look after my cat . . .  So I kind of figured on Tuesday I am just better off not trusting my mum with anything and to only deal with her when necessary in order to stop getting hurt..

Tuesday evening ended up being one filled with inspiration and happiness while working on a special piece of artwork for someone who truly inspires me for their birthday. One of the two people who for the past year have reminded me I can hit my goals! and that it's ok to land in the stars if I don't reach the moon..  I created the following piece for Charlie's 31st Birthday...

Thus brings us to today Saturday 28th January 2012...

Feeling a little sorry for myself this morning a lovely friend posted something on their facebook that instantly reminded me of what "A" has been saying to me in a different way for so long... "No one can create your reality but you!! It does not matter what others say. It only matters what you believe and tell yourself. The universe is always giving you what you ask for, good or bad." - copied from Candance's facebook

It also reminds me of a few things from the book " The Alchemist by P. Coelho" that Charlie mentioned in 2010. Which I own and have read a couple of times but it hasn't meant so much to me till this past month and making the decision to keep moving forward towards my stars...

While thinking about " It's always being darkest before the dawn . . ." this evening I realised in order to leave my past behind and be happy I have to keep moving forward and so I went for a bit of a run. I hadn't been running in awhile and it felt great! Granted it was 10pm at night,...

Had to have a giggle too as Shake it out came on my iPod while out running and I did something I refer to  as a flying Charlie ROFLMAO I know strange term... but I stood still in the park and walked briskly with my arms slightly away from my sides eyes closed and dreaming of flying!  Flying to my goals.... reaching my stars and the moon!

Leaving behind the past in Christchurch is Ok because I am earning my wings, finding my way back to me and soaring to where I need to be.... I have my Sister (Pea) and BFF (A) and a couple of close friends supporting me along with one who doesn't even realise how much he inspires me (although he will do in april! if i don't get all shy on it)...

So that's me... I am going to be accountable and focus on what is truly important... Me & my goals! I can do this and I will do this! I am learning to soar!!




This year is a big one! full of learning curves, Starting my own business, Preparing to meet someone who inspires me greatly and starting to become the person I truly am destined to be.... Bring it on!!

Hello 2012...

So it's 2012 in fact it's already just about the end of January 2012! where has the month gone? 

It has been just about a year of turmoil, turbulence & shakes. In 25 days it will mark a year since the devastating quake which bought my beloved home town to its knees. February 22nd 2011 will be forever etched in Kiwi's minds let alone Cantabarians. 

I moved back home to Christchurch in April to help my family, mostly my mum who needed the company, as after the February quakes I received calls a lot when  there were aftershocks, so I thought it was wise to head down and help out for awhile, as my brother was working and did not really have the time to keep running to mum when she needed someone... I had my reservations but put them to the back of my head and headed to Christchurch. 

Since being in Christchurch, everything I once knew has changed. Buildings are gone, there is basically no nightlife and no variety on places to visit. You also do not get used to the ground moving on you. Don't get me wrong you can sleep etc through the small aftershocks but anything over a magnitude 4 and I feel it. 

I experienced a double-whammy of Earthquakes in June, which ended up destroying my laptop and knocking my confidence a little, but after a few weeks it starts to build up again and your a ok again... 

sadly that was when I started realising my mum was still the same person she had been when I was growing up... The one who has never had anything positive to say about me. We basically have nothing in common and since I was 10 she has told me how she wishes she had given me up instead of keeping me in spite to my grandmother. I have never really been sure how to take this but have always always reminded myself that even though my Dad is gone and has been most of my life, I have his spirit and I can do anything I put my mind too.... Well that got knocked quite a lot this past year thanks to Mum and her put downs yet again....

I started working really long hours pretty much every day of the week to not have to deal with her, which hurts as I am a family person and love my family dearly even though all the do is hurt me :( 

I moved out of my mothers place in October and moved in with a friend who I have known since I was knee high to a grasshopper. She has been encouraging me and slowly helping me become me again. 

I left the job I was in that I wasn't happy in, as several people had told me you shouldn't be in a job if your heart is not in it. Spent a month or so thinking of what I really love and love doing and have gone back to my first love of Photography. I have been qualified since 2001 and yet not used those qualifications in a long time. 

sadly another thing over the past year is I have lost some people I thought were good true friends because they didn't like something I said/or did or the way I thought. Now I can honestly say it is their loss... I am me and I will not change that for anything.. I am slowly becoming the person I was this time last year before everything started to fall to pieces. 

Since being in Christchurch I have not been able to go running or swimming much as I was working heaps to keep away from mum, and a lot of facilities were closed due to earthquake damage.  The photo shoot K and I had in august (the one we won at the beginning of 2011) was interesting.... It wasn't till i saw the photos in December I realised how much weight I gain when I don't eat properly and am subject to my mothers taunts etc.. I knew I couldn't change it till i get the hell out of the same city as her.... but I could make a start and have......

see next post for the here & now...

Day 4 and we still are awaiting news

Well it is officially Day 4 in the Christchurch Quake Disaster.

My family are safe, My little brother has now flown to Invercargill to be with his dad and out of harms way, you can tell he is traumatised & his spirit is broken :(

Mum has her work to keep her going, being a nurse shes holding it together  by being there for her patients.

Our family has taken on some damage at our home but it is still liveable considering how close we live to the CBD.

There are now 102 confirmed dead and 200+ missing, 164 Injured & 11 in Intensive care. Most of us Cantabs know people that are missing & passed away and its heart wrenching. I am still awaiting news of a few friends down there including miss 9's foster parents. Miss 9 was one of my marching girls & one i care about a lot...


I am missing my family and friends who are still down there like crazy. My bestmate thought she had lost her husband on tuesday until he turned up home and told her he walked from town after it happened. They have only been married a week!  She was beside herself texting me thank heavens I could get through and keep her going. I have never been so relieved in my life till i got the text to say he was home. Now im keeping them informed as to where they can get supplies & water because their home has no power or water and they havent even got a radio as the batteries have gone flat :(

I just wish I could do more so I spoke to my mum, She urges everyone not in CHCH to donate! & send your love and support & join in #RedandBlack day today (Friday). There is no point travelling to christchurch unless your loved ones need you or your a medic to help at the hospital or part of the USR teams.

She also thanks everyone for their love and support at this time!

Here is a heart-wrenching pic of my home town taken from the hills moments after the quake :(

so close to loss....

So by now everyone in the world knows whats been happening in my home town of Christchurch as of 1.30pm yesterday afternoon it has been in ruins and utter chaos. A violent earthquake struck and has destroyed families, homes, businesses, lives have been lost and and even the heart of the city has been ripped away from us as the iconic Christchurch cathedral fell apart :(

What is even more scary is I just about lost my younger brother. It is a miracle that for once in his life he was running late for his bus and only just escaped being killed by falling masonry from a building his original bus had fall on it, killing its passengers :(  My brother caught the one after it and has been so lucky someone was definitely watching over him. He only missed his bus my a minute or two, but hell is he grateful and so are we!


What upsets me more is the poor kid had to watch a woman whom was about our mothers age be killed instantly from falling masonry in Cathedral Square. Its not something anyone should have to deal with and for someone like my brother who doesnt talk openly about his feelings etc i cant even begin to imagine whats going on in his head. Him and I dont really get along but my god i was so relieved to hear his voice yesterday and find that even though he was in the square he was ok.  I know he is no doubt traumatised after what ive heard from my mother and from what she said he is like & it makes my heart ache that i couldnt protect him from everything yesterday. Because even though we dont see eye to eye when he was younger I protected him & i love him so much. The poor kid has had to witness things no-one should ever have to witness and things mum and i had protected him from in the past :( I feel so helpless!

Although my brother is also a hero, i was informed today by my mother that he saved a man in a wheelchair from having a building fall on him while in the street. For that I am so proud of him. In something so tragic it seems my brother may have matured instantly!

My brother and I managed to get him via text & twitter (thank you social media) to mums place who was completely freaking out, she cant stand earthquakes. Never has ever since I can remember.

Sadly my mother this evening now has to risk her life to get from one end of the city to the other with permission from Civil Defense to get to her work as shes a nurse and needs to care for her patients etc. So now I sit and wait and hope nothing happens on her trip to work. I also hope her patients are doing ok and are not too distressed and that her buildings are safe, as some of the retirement villages/rest homes are majorly damaged etc.

I  am heart broken at all the images of my amazing city in ruins, the people i love aching for missing and loved ones, and also just broken waiting to hear news on other friends whom i love so dearly.

sadly my city will never be the same again and for that i will always be upset. But i am truly grateful so many are alive and being rescued.  I am grateful for the amazing messages from my friends & family all over the world... I love you all dearly and am totally grateful to/for you... ♥


I leave you with this poem written for Christchurch....and state that no matter what I am proud to be a cantab!

Roses are red, the chalice is blue
The cathedral has fallen, many buildings have too;
You can rattle our bones, you can rip streets apart
But you will never defeat our red and black hearts.
For we are cantabrians and together we know,
...We stand tall together, through anything we regrow.

Add to your wall to remember those who have fallen and to remind us all to stand tall.
22/02/2011

Ho hum..

So Its taken me all week to blog this week, but I have been full on and even have some pretty good news.

I saw the doctor on Wednesday, and the doctors pretty happy with my health at the moment apart from my iron levels. so now they are going to do more blood tests and might have to increase my iron intake. He has also given me calcium tablets to take.

Hes pretty happy though that things are looking ok so will just have check-ups though to keep an eye on it all :)

what a day..

So today I woke up feeling a lil off, nothing unusual when I have not been sleeping properly etc.
But i felt good as I got things done this morning only to fall asleep on the couch with the cat at lunchtime.

So I guess yesterdays walk around the city and excursion into porirua wore me out more then usual.  Which is strange as its not like i was doing anything out of the ordinary but I guess the stress from other things I am having to deal with is part of the reason everything is wearing me out so easily.

I finally managed to go for a walk this evening around 8pm which was nice but due to the blisters from my new shoes I did not manage to go too far. but it was nice to head out for a lil while in fresh air.


I have been reminding myself all day that what doesnt kill me makes me stronger so hopefully it really is true & Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day on all fronts and I might get some answers I need on some other matters :)